"the words were in my head, but couldn't get onto the paper"

I am one of the few people I know that has not taken an SSRI for depression. I am a Wellbutrin girl. At least I was until a few weeks ago. Wellbutrin is often championed over SSRIs in part because it doesn't decrease libido or weaken orgasms, but its side effects (at least for me) were just as debilitating. Like OO, I am going it med-free these days.

At first, Wellbutrin was my savior. I was suffering from depression and had refused drug treatment for years. A therapist finally scared me into trying something when she said "this isn't going to just get better". I took it for eight years. I lost 20 lbs. I experienced no decrease in sex drive. I had boundless energy. The flip side to that was the horrible anxiety and paranoia I started to experience. My hands shook constantly and I was irritable and on-edge most of the time. Additionally, I swore it was affecting my verbal abilities and my writing. When I told my doctor he looked puzzled and said he hadn't heard that particular side effect before. After doing some research, I found that this isn't uncommon.

A year ago, I was forced to switch to Budeprion, the generic version of Wellbutrin due to a change in my insurance. The results of a study done on Budeprion and its potency were released earlier this month and it seems it doesn't treat depression as effectively as Wellbutrin does. I had been debating whether to continue drug treatment anyway so I tossed my pills that day.

I don't know how all of this will pan out and I can't say I am not scared. I've started to try and get some exercise everyday and take vitamins and just hope my brain chemicals are on their best behavior...at least for awhile.